Wines & Prologues

Thirty.

The big three-O.

A milestone birthday. A birthday where other people would want to be surrounded by their family and friends in a familiar place with a lot of fun things to do, after all it, it is a milestone birthday. A joyous, grateful celebration of reaching thirty years of existence. And usually celebrating milestones were expected to be grand: party, karaoke, food, drinking… just generally, I don’t know, more?

But I have something else in mind.

I wanted quiet. Far from people I know, in a new place with only me, myself, and I to worry about.

Before I tell you anything more. Let me share something funny when I first realized that I was turning thirty. I’m not exaggerating or making this up, but here goes…

So, when I realized it the first time, I actually had *drumroll please* a cold. Yes, a cold. About two days after.

What happened was that, my close friend and I were talking one afternoon and she told me, “Hey, you’re turning 30 this year.” My brow rose and I answered with a, “I’m not. I’m turning 29,” confused, because I just filled up a medical form hours earlier with me writing 28 as my age. We had a little back and forth, then my friend finally said, “I’m only 2 years older than you. I’m turning 32 this month, which means you’re turning 30.”

Believe me, I sat back on my chair, baffled. I could hear the bells in my ears echoing thirty… thirty… thirty… then baam! It started with a stuffy nose first, followed by muscle pains, then a mild fever. My immune system took a shocking blow it wavered for a few days, but fret not, that soon turned to excitement as I started to imagine what I wanted to do for my birthday.

‘Cause thirty is big. It’s a milestone! Something’s gotta be different than my previous birthdays, right? Riiiiiight?

And so I started brainstorming and planned the whole thing… eight months before d-day.

Yes, you read it right. Eight months.

My birthday was on December 27th but I started planning somewhere around May, with no party on the list. Although I did plan on having my usual christmas gift giving which, to be honest, I scrapped after I had an initial sit down with myself regarding my foreseen birthday expenses.

Yes, again. Foreseen expenses for a foreseen travel out of town.

My only concern back then was getting my mom’s approval. As an only child, I’ve been ‘kept safe’ most of my life. So I thought, let’s break that chain, and booked a one-way ticket to Cebu, the Queen City of the South, the oldest city in the Philippines, a fifty-five minutes flight from both Caticlan and Iloilo Airport.

When I finally booked the flight, it took me another two months to book a flight back because I wasn’t sure how many days I wanted to spend in Cebu. Then another month before I told my mom my plans. And no, she wasn’t impressed about my coming escapade at all. Good thing was I’m stubborn with a penchant for talking my way into things.

Before Cebu, I thought of going to Romblon, the Marble Capital of the Philippines, but since December is still the rainy season in the country, and with a ferry as the main transportation to the island, I decided not to since I might end up celebrating new years there as well. I also thought of Palawan because I wanted to go to their firefly sanctuary, but although it can be reached by plane, it’s surrounded by open sea, which means more chances of raining–and more chances of raining meant, more chances of getting stranded too.

Hence, therefore, with Cebu sandwiched between other islands, it was the safest choice.

And so, to Cebu I went after months of convincing my mom to let me travel alone, with a last minute resistance from one of my grandathers. But as I mentioned earlier, I’m stubborn and I have ways to get what I want. *wink, wink*

Now, going back, about how I traversed this new age, this new level in life… this new dungeon with probably higher stat monsters and more, or maybe less, newer distractions.

Well, rather than traversed I just realized a few crucial things. That’s it. I sounded rather dramatic there because of all the introductions and the other things I said, but really, it all boiled down to five realizations.

Here are the five things that I realized about myself stepping into my thirties:

I like being alone, but I don’t like feeling lonely.

Sure, I can sit through an event and not say a single thing. I can ride a taxi and the only thing that goes out my mouth are greetings, place where I need to be, and thanks at the drop-off.

Sure, I can eat by myself. Book an entire trip by myself. Go see movies by myself. Eat by myself–no matter how other people sees that as generally sad because who wants to experience things by themselves? But honestly, I don’t.

Matter-of-factly, I like it.

I like that I can order what I want, dress what I want, watch what I want, and go to wherever I want.

Do I like it all the time? Not exactly. I mean, for example, I’d prefer to go on a casual tour or stroll through a park alone, but would think of bringing a friend along if I want to go ziplining somewhere, or go hiking or food-tripping.

HOWEVER! However… Although I might choose to be alone, I don’t like being lonely. What does this mean exactly?

Why? How? Make it make sense?

During my trip, I realized that I liked doing things alone, but I want to have someone to talk to when the day’s done and I’m by myself, eating, or maybe in bed resting. Someone who would listen to how my day went, how I almost got lost, how I learned about things I didn’t know about–and I’m lucky to have those people… my family and friends.

Although I am alone I am not entirely lonely.

A time for myself is essential to keep me sane.

We have those moments when the noise is just too loud, the crowd is suffocating, the fabric on our clothes are little itchy, the wind feels wrong, the water tastes different. Every little thing, little sound, little movements feels like it’s being drummed into our very soul.

A time for myself grounds me. I manage my own time. I’m not in a hurry, and if I am in a hurry, I don’t feel rushed because I have probably calculated why I’m in a hurry. Am I making any sense? I hope I am.

A time for myself, makes me appreciate the time when I am not by myself–when I’m surrounded by people and work piling up. As I said, it grounds me. It renews my mindset and I feel like it’s a whole new beginning all over again.

A quick reset.

I would rather travel alone that constantly stress over someone.

Let’s face it, unless we find the perfect companion who knows us and our little quirks, and we know them and their little quirks, and everything’s just in sync and the vibe’s immaculate enough to think that this person must be heaven-sent, then at some point we’d have to come to a compromise when it comes to travelling with other people.

They like this, but we don’t. We like that, but they don’t. Either way, we have to look for a common ground–and some days, we just don’t have the energy for that.

So, yes. My solution to that is to just travel alone.

The freedom of not always looking behind, beside, or everywhere for someone is… it’s liberating. Try it.

I shouldn’t wait around to do things I want.

In our time waiting for others to meet us behind the yellow line, the train already left. Sometimes, we’re so afraid or worried of doing things by ourselves that we wait for others so we feel less afraid, less worried–someone to share the burden, the experiences, with. But the truth is, we’re lucky if we find someone who are in the same platform, and heading to the same destination, as we do. Because what if they do arrive but they wanted to be somewhere else? Their plans don’t align with ours? What’s all the waiting for then?

So yes, I learned to walk ahead to where I want to go regardless if I have someone with me. Along the way, I’d find people who are going to the same destiantions as I am, and I think that’s something to look forward to.

I am extravagant. Period.

I’ve known this for a long time, but I still get surprised of how much money I can spend in a day if only I allow myself. That’s why I always have moer than enough pocket money because I will spend. Not with things, gosh, but mostly with food, experiences, and transportation.

My justification with that is, since I’m at a place where I’m not sure when I’d be able to come back again, I better experience things I won’t experience in my hometown.

SOOOOO, there you go. Those are the only things I have to say, really. Nothing much.

What else? Hmm, well, just that. I think.

Yes. Just that. So, I guess I’ll see you on my next post?

Bye-bee!